Why The Big Bang Theory Could Teach School Music Teachers A Few Things

School music is a cold and cruel place.  For the most part, you have to know someone to get where you want to go.  So, it actually has nothing to do with innate skill or hard work.  Hard work isn't rewarded for teachers -- brown-nosing is.

That stretches all the way into the classroom where kids are pushed to their limit, for the most part, to get a rating or a score.  That rating or score really doesn't do anything for them, but it DOES give a boost to the Director's reputation and THAT'S what it's all about, right?

Wrong.

You know how you get an NBA (National Band Association) Citation of Execellence?  Pay the dues and get one of your friends to give you one.  That's it.  It is rarely connected to actual merit -- just, who you know.  Again, buffeting the Director's reputation and bio in the name of education, but at the cost of time at home for both the Director and their students, many students' self-respect, and some harsh words.

Look at The Big Bang Theory.  It's one of the most beautifully written shows ever.  If you've never watched it start now, but I can fill you in.

Leonard (Johnny Galecki, who used to play David on "Roseanne") is a physicist and his three best friends are Sheldon, Howard, and Raj.  You've got a physicist, engineer, and astrophysicist there.  They're brilliant people.  Penny (Kaley Cuoco, who is undeniably drop-dead gorgeous) moves in next door.  From the PILOT Leonard says, "Our children will be smart AND beautiful."

Four seasons into the show, as of today, and Leonard and Penny have misfired, miscommunicated, been together, been not-together, been together again, and broken up.  However, the CRUX of the show is "Leonard and Penny are each other's soulmates, period."  How long it takes them to figure that out gives us more and more hilarity with every new episode because everyone on the show is so funny.

However, Penny and Leonard are growing up and learning how to nurture each other in a completely unlikely relationship.  She's a wannabe actress from Nebraska and he's a freaking genius.  They're so mismatched, but the writing and acting is so good how could you NOT want them to eventually end up together?

It's a beautiful thing to be lauded (for the superb acting, especially of Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper), to be celebrated (because people should GROW in love with each other), and commended (because it isn't vulgar or stupid -- it's authentic.)

So, as a school band director I'm touched by it.  However, I actually care about something other than my bio and how many times we've gotten superior ratings.

Now, take this lovely show with a lovely premise and put it in front of your classic student-mauling, rating-seeking, over the top director and they will likely see little value in it at all.  They won't care if Jim Parsons is a comedic genius, or if Simon Hedberg is oddly likable, or that Leonard and Penny's relationship is still beautiful even if they haven't figured it out yet.

They truly love each other and that is how well the show is acted.  How can you NOT be affected by how those two people feel about each other?  Penny beats a girl's ass because she feels like said girl is taking advantage of the guys.  She's a caring person.

How do ratings-seekers find no value in this lovely little show?

There's nothing in it for them.  Nothing to add to their bio.  No superior rating.  Just beauty. Beauty they can't comprehend or that they can't take credit for.

Watch the extras on the DVD's for this show and Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady (the creators and head writers) give ALL the credit to the cast.  They just heap on praise about how beautifully the cast acts their scribble-scratch they threw down in the writer's room.

Yet, a school band, orchestra or chorus director will sit at their desk ALL DAY with their feet up and hands casually behind their neck regaling ANYONE who will listen about how THEY did this and how THEY did that.

That's not beauty.  That's total, uncontrolled, ridiculous, disgusting, egotism.  It's exactly the opposite of the Big Bang Theory.  A place where even Sheldon can learn to hug Penny when she gives him a great napkin, Penny can love (nearly unconditionally) a guy who is not her type, and Leonard can finally learn to express to his soulmate how he really feels.  THAT is art.  THAT is beauty.

Superior ratings be damned.  I'll take this sit-com anyday over some pontificating jackass who pretends he or she built the world in five days and bested God.

Long live beauty and the art of The Big Bang Theory.  Be gone ye rigid, conceited, rating-seeking, egotism.  I like my art with a couple nerds, some honest emotions, and some tender hearts.  Isn't that what your band, orchestra or chorus should be made of?

PS -- Feel free to steal my idea if you get it, but don't pass it off as your own.  We have it here in black and white on the internet that I wrote it down first :)

Haven't You Ever Had A Bass Clarinet Thought?

When was the last time you looked at your instrument and had a thought consumed with hope for how well playing the horn would go that day?

Know Your Literature

I received a very encouraging note from my college Clarinet teacher yesterday.  Basically, it made my whole college experience.

So, today Iw as poking at literature and reminding myself that I need to know "my" literature.  Not everybody else's.

In that same vane I can still add to my literature, but only slightly.  To date I hold onto:

Echange...Xenakis
Duo...Loevendie
Parable...by a friend (trust me when I say it's about 10 minutes and it's a bitch to play)
Waltz...by a college colleague.  He just needed to write it for a class, but I like it to this day.
Acht Stucke...Hindemith (it's actually for Flute)
Syrinx...Debussy
Carnival of Venice...Herbert L. Clarke
Towards the Crest...Robert Carl
Six Studies in English Folksong...Vaughn-Williams
Interludium from Six Dances...Phillip Martin (my favorite because I love ripping the hell out of it)
Voltage...DuBois
Bach...Cello Suites
Rhapsody...Osbourne

As I write this I'm definitely taking on the Mozart.  What could possibly go wrong?

There's more, but for now I'm committing to taking down the Mozart--just for funsies.
This should be good...

Bass Clarinetists Are Idiots Sometimes

So, today I did someone a favor.  I ran over to a rehearsal to lend out one of my instruments to someone who's playing in a conference in a couple weeks.  Apparently, this person's instrument wasn't treating them nice.

No big deal.

I bring my horn over and I asked that that person's instrument be present so I could take a look at it.  Now, basically, I have four theories about instruments that "don't work".

1.  It's a mis-adjustment of the throat A key.  Too tight and the Ab may be slightly open.  Too loose and air will leak out of the key.  It needs a little "play", but not much.

2.  A mal-adjusted low G or A.  Some Bass Clarinets have all kinds of adjustment screws down there for low G and low A.  Some have vent keys for low A and some don't.  Keeping two adjustment screws in balance, OR getting the right level on just one could be difficult.  Sometimes, an inexperienced Bass Clarinetist (even if they are a seasoned musician or Clarinetist) may not be able to play through a slight mis-adjustment of this key.

3.  Odd bending of keys and adjustment plates around low B or Bb.  There's all kinds of systems designed to deal with these keys, but sometimes they're just bent too.

4.  The person just flat doesn't know what they're doing and they are AFRAID.  Yes, AFRAID.  I even had a sane person who is a specialist on Bass Clarinet tell me that they played this instrument and sometimes it squeaked weirdly, etc.  Fear makes you do stupid things, and it makes you play badly.

I boil all this down to stupidity.  You have to REALLY know the instrument and you really have to know its tendencies.  Not the tendencies of just your instrument, but the tendencies of the Bass Clarinet in general.

So, though the term "idiot" may seem a little harsh, it's all I've got.  If you're not learning this stuff as you're playing then you just aren't using you brain.  That's the hard and fast truth.

I played a perfectly good instrument today because of someone else's fear and lack of knowledge.  Though it's frustrating it's not surprising.

When will we learn?