No More Emotional Drain

Starting in 2001, I joined a community band here in the area.  We played all kinds of music, conferences and conventions.  I basically did the bulk of the bass clarinetting in a section that is beset with very nice people.  The section has changed slightly over the years, and I even took a 5-year hiatus from the group.

When I came back to the group, I was having a VERY hard time in my personal life.  So, playing was a good thing to do because I was so distracted by everything.  I had just gotten my contra and alto, and I started using the three-way setup in the group, essentially, to entertain myself.  I played some very good stuff, but I was mostly doing it for me.  It doesn't pay, so that was not the issue.

We played a conference this year, and the whole experience aside from the concert was a nightmare.  I had to spend ten minutes earlier this season explaining to the director that I shall not play with a bland tone.  I spend a good deal more time explaining the breadth and resonance in my sound as it relates to a band that is so big it shouldn't be a problem.

If you've ever dealt with a manipulative person, you know that they are working very hard to point all the conversation at them.  Everything is about making them look good, and even more is about making sure they look smart.  They change little details in stories hoping no one will notice, and they tell these stories to tons of people who were not there.  Manipulative people change history, and they are very good at making you feel bad because they are being a jerk to you.

If you have dealt with the same manipulative person on and off for nearly 25 years, you get used to their tells.  I mean, you never start out thinking they're manipulating you, but when you realize what is really going on, it's hard to ignore.  Because you're a nice person, you don't say anything.  You try to be as chill as possible, and you go on about your life.  However, there comes a time when you have to cut ties.

My life is very drama free.  I don't like drama, and I have close friends who don't like drama.  MY family doesn't like drama, and I'm not a teenager anymore.  When a band director uses you (and your classmates) as a teenager to make themself look good, it's kind of sad when you repeat the pattern (in my case twice) when you are an adult.  Some people have a "respect cup" that is bottomless, and they are going to make you fill it all the time.  There are band directors like that you who live on respect.  It's a drug, and when you don't play by their rules, they single you out (sometimes in EXCEEDINGLY subtle ways) to make sure that you fall in line.  I don't fall in line like that anymore, and so I have to remove myself from the situation.

The fact is that the majority of the people in the band are happy because they don't know any better.  That's fine.  There's no reason for me to mess with that, but I won't be party to it anymore.  I literally have too much going on to care anymore, and I need to focus my energy on projects that I know I can release this year.  I can really do something, but I can't if I'm constantly listening to someone who is trying to get their respect cup filled.  You may say that that's selfish, but you have to remember that I know what I'm worth.  I don't get paid to perform a service that is highly valuable, and I have to listen to the constant barrage of manipulative banter which, even though it no longer works on me, is upsetting to listen to.

I just finished writing lyrics for an album, half the music is done, and I am going to record the melodies in the next couple weeks.  The children's book may get a boost because I may have found an artist, and I have a thousand things I want to release digitally.

So, if you're experiencing drama in your life, it may be time to walk away or create some distance.  You don't kick over the table and tell everyone to fuck off, but maybe it's time to get out of the situation and try something else.  If you're a student who is stuck in the situation, hang in there as best you can.  The best advice I can offer is this:

1.  You're worth more than they say
2.  You have a long life after this to live
3.  I especially prefer when Lorelai explains to her mom the way she acts.  She tells her that she chooses to laugh at Emily's insanity and narcissism.  That is where all the jokes and sillyness come from.  She uses humor to get around the fact that she knows she is being manipulated in every conversation.  Choose to laugh at how silly it is on the other side, do something else with yourself and move forward.  You don't always just move on, but you can move forward.

Any Opinions On Lyrics Videos?

I'm also wondering if anyone has an opinion about unsigned artist sites... Someone who likes making lyric videos would be a help, but I am really interested about a site that deals with unsigned musicians.... The two together are a big focus for me right now.

On a side note,  it's almost time to shred and find out how these songs actually sound :)

What About The Length Of An Album

I've got albums from my favorite band that are barely 40 minutes long.  I don't care, I love it...I just always wonder what convinces people to make albums of a certain length.  Is this something that people arrive at because they think the album is done, or is the number of tracks and their relative length part of some divine formula.  Just wondering...

In other news, writing in the middle of the night really helps.  I have some great tracks ready to go, and I just need to decide what is going to accompany them.  How simple or complex they will be.  But this thing is coming together in a way where I can spend mid-April to mid-May recording and see if I can release this puppy on June 1 on basically all forms of media :)

No One Knows For Sure, But That Time You Know

That time that you know that you wrote something truly brilliant.  I mean, you will be happy with all the things that you write and record, but sometimes they are things that you like personally.  They are not necessarily things that everyone is going to stand up and say "That's fucking brilliant."  However, there are those few times when you write something that you know is utterly brilliant, that's a good feeling.  It's an even better feeling when you wrote that song at 2 in the morning and it's about somebody you care about.  Yeah, that's a good feeling.  I cannot wait to really finish this work and put these songs on tape.

First Video Coming Sunday...

My educational video series for kids playing low clarinets is coming.  I'm literally going to start from scratch.  So, you could in the 6th grade, barely able to hold the thing or take it out of the case, or you could in high school or college just trying to survive the instrument.  It's going to be mostly bass clarinet, but there is A LOT to talk about.  Not the least of which is how you should sound if you want to make a difference.  I could literally write a dissertation on this, so, I hope the videos are helpful.  I'll try to ramble as little as possible, and I'll try to make it fun and engaging.

Video links to come soon...

How Does One Shred When One Does Not Have A Studio In Which To Shred?

How do you record in your home,  shred , and not blowout the mic you're using... Any thoughts?

Instinctual Lyrics?

I wrote almost all my songs as the music first and the words second.  The music just come naturally, and I can edit it to fit in words that work well, but I have not written a whole song and then tried to write music to fit it.  There is something about instinctually putting words to the music I already have that I find oddly satisfying.  I know that people edit their songs all the time, but how often do they edit them?  I feel like the music happens and then some lyrics happen when I am ready...anyone else want to share their process?

From A Distance...I Record My Music

The idea of recording in a garage or some other kind of rustic environment is very appealing, but I want to make sure I record in a way that actually makes sense.  I have a recording device on my phone and tablet.  I have the computer software I need to cut together whatever I want, but I have to record at the right distance.  It is hard to record so close to a microphone with an acoustic instrument, but I don't want to create something that sounds like I'm in a tunnel...

Do I record intimately and reduce all the volumes I use?  I could do that, and I think that it would sound great...I'm just wondering if that actually makes sense.

All Songs Written

Well, I technically did not write two of them, but I have decided how I'm going to play them since they were over 200 years ago.  The other songs are totally written, and I need to decide on the setting for record straight solo much, that is in the pop format, that feels like something smooth and indieish.  Yes, I know.  That's some serious shit.  I'm tempted to record them on my phone or tablet from across the room.

Anyways, I want it to sound like it was recorded in a garage because those are some of the roots of indie music.  Things that do not fit the mold (like Bass Clarinet pop songs that have no sung words) and things that are not going to hit the Billboard 100 on their first release.  I much prefer to be on the outside of the box...now to make it sound that way.

Songs With No Words? Sort Of...

I have just constructed five songs that have words, but they don't.  I'm also going to use two very old favorites from the classical literature that people would recognize, but they are going to have their own spin.  However, these five songs that have words, they won't be sung on the tracks.  The words have meaning, they determine the titles of the songs, but they are like poetry that accompanies the tracks.

I can imagine, in a perfect world, that people at shows would sing the words along while I play, but I don't think that the words need to be present on the tracks.  I'm a bass clarinetist, not a singer.  I'm like Santana...I'd rather not sing.  However, I'm not making Supernatural.  I'm not trying to crack open the Billboard hot 100.

I think the songs will really speak to people because they have deep emotional meaning.  They are very personal, but I don't see the need to throw the words up when I know I can't sing them.

So, what say you to words that exist but are not sung?  I don't think I'm living a pipe dream that people would sing them at a show, but I don't want people to think I'm crazy.  A poem that fully matches the song someone's listening to...it almost begs them to interpret the song even more, and that is what is going to make it all worthwhile.

The Heights Of Cross Promotion

I am going to be doing a lot of releases over the course of the year.  There will be a YouTube channel with mood music on it that has lovely backgrounds.  There will some indie rockish type stuff coming out in the summer and fall, and there will be several releases through the CD Baby free market.  You would have to pay for the tracks, but they don't charge me much to list on their market.  As I said, the heights of cross promotion.  If you have never been to the CD Baby website, you go visit them because there are MANY more people besides me who also want and deserve your business.  Links will be coming as soon as the first album comes out.  This is sort of an unholy combination of storytelling moody jazz that could pass for indie rock if I changed the structure and added some words.  Yeah, something like that.

New Music Coming Soon!!

I will have an album coming out at the beginning of the second quarter, and one every quarter for the next two years!!!  I also have an album waiting and ready to go for the holiday season, and you will be able to get an album of sacred music in between.  I have discovered a good distribution option for me, and I will be promoting the heck out of it very soon.  I just have to get everything submitted first.

More to come!

Got A Book In The Works

Just had an idea for a children's book today...hoping I can line up an artist soon to see what we can do with this thing.

And four albums coming...if you have an suggestions on which digital distributor to use, that would be a good thing!

34 New Tracks

I have 34 new tracks that I recorded while I was in Ohio visiting my wife's family.  34 tracks made in a sun room with the heater going ;)  However, they are all interested.  They've all been parsed and titled...now I need to make albums.  Once I'm done doing that, it's time to get my music on the web.  I'll be posting details of each album when it is released!

I'm Back, Again?

Ok, this is, I believe, the third time I have come back to the blog after a long hiatus here or there.  I've been working at home and practicing while my wife is in graduate school.  She's probably going to get a thousand Master's degrees, but I've started taking control of my career.  The blog is going to become a place to promote my music (which I am in the middle of recording.)  I hope to have six albums out before the summer.  All of them are nice and smooth easy listening tracks I'm recording as A Man Of Few Words.

I'm also going to start a video series on YouTube for band excerpts on bass clarinet, on for basic pedagogy and another series of background tracks that you can listen to while you are working.  I'm going to actually leave the blog up on my computer this time, and I will actually *gasp* reply to comments.  I read a few lovely comments that I had never seen before because I just wasn't looking after the blog at all.

So, I'm back, but this is my career, and I hope to do it full-time from now.  When I get my first two albums done, I hope to have them on Spotify, iTunes, Pandora and the Google Play Store.  So, you'll be able to enjoy my stuff wherever you are.  More updates to come when new videos or tracks are out there.  However, I can't do any of that if I keep yapping on here.  Did you know how much goes into getting your music on iTunes, etc?  Sheesh!  I have to get to work finishing this music, working with an aggregator and get my stuff out there.

That's it for today, hopefully more good news is to come!