Surviving Band: Part Two (Your Mental State)

I want to refer to my previous disclaimer...I hope your band is filled with cool people and your band director is the nicest person in the world, but I have met too many jackasses to believe that it's all sunshine and roses :)  If the negative portions of this do not apply to you, that is a good thing.  I just want to help people who are struggling with music.

This is an essay for ALL music students, music majors, band students in high school or college.  This is the most important essay, in my opinion, because it deals with your mental state.  Music is not supposed to make you crazy, and it is not supposed to make you doubt yourself.  I just want to cover some myths that are wrong.

#1:  Real Music Teachers "Guide" You To Learning

This is utter nonsense.  A real music teacher is going to actually teach you.  Sure, there are things that you have to go off and do on your own, and you would have likely done that anyway.  But, you cannot do everything on your own.  Your teacher has to give you real information.  Someone told me recently that real music school is frustrating and that's ok.  Uh, no it's not.  You are paying good money for an education.  If your teacher or professor is too lazy to give you clear answers to your honest questions, they need to get another job.

#2:  It's All For The Band

Yes, there is a lovely knitting together that goes on in your band.  Your band director likely preaches about doing things for the good of the band, and that is a noble ideal.  I love it.  You simply need to make sure that what you do for the band does not crush your own spirit.  If doing things for the good of the group is killing you in the inside, it's time to stop.  There comes a time when you have to take care of yourself.  There has to a balance, and bending over backwards for the band (or your band director) can get very unhealthy.

#3:  What About Your Resume?

Never ever ever ever ever ever ever skip out on things that would go on YOUR resume for something that will go on your band director's resume.  Your band director gets to take credit for everything that the band does, but you need to make sure you are doing things that you can take credit for, as well.  I did one thing in high school that I could actually put on a CV.  One.  And believe me, I did A LOT of playing.  I only did one thing in college that I can put on a resume.  One.  So, I won 42 auditions in seven years, but only one of them actually helps me today.  There are MANY things I skipped out on for the band (or some such thing) when I should have doing things for myself.  Yes, do things for the band, but make sure you are doing things for you, too.  This is where people get burnt out.

#4:  Music Is Not Depressing

Sure, some music sounds depressing, but music itself should not be depressing.  Music school should not be depressing.  You should not be crying in a practice room, and you should not dread rehearsal.  This is not an accusation, let me be clear.  I am merely saying that something is out of balance if you feel dread and depression around your music career.  It's ok to be a little discouraged now and then.  That happens.  But you should not feel this way ALL the time, and it is not a #musicmajorproblem.  That's bullshit, and it's unhealthy.  If it's a professor or teacher that makes you feel this way, you need to run in the other direction as fast as you possibly can.

#5:  Help People

Music is not a kill or be killed proposition, but some teachers pit students against one another.  You can easily find yourself hoping that other people fail, and that is not cool when you step back and think about it.  Band or orchestra is not dog eat dog.  Yes, someone will win an audition, but it is not a good thing that someone played badly, or didn't like the way they played or placed in a low chair that they are unhappy with.

Music is not mean in any way, and you should NEVER get on people about how they play.  If you have perfect pitch, for example, you cannot be a jackass about it.  Your observations have to be helpful.  Trust me, I've seen it used badly.  If you are first chair, help the last chair person in your section, they will be forever grateful.  If someone is scared before an audition, comfort them.

#6:  If You Don't Like It Anymore, You Are Not A Bad Person

If you wake up one day and you just cannot stomach band or chorus or whatever, it's ok to walk away.  There may be something else that you want to do instead.  You should not feel the pressure to stay if you are TRULY not enjoying it.  One bad day is one thing, but months of dread and sadness should be a sign that might need to reevaluate.  Never judge someone who needs to walk away from an activity, and support them after they leave.  I have heard band directors characterize this move as selfish, rude and disrespectful.  It is none of those things.  You are doing what is best for you when you know you have run out of options.

#7:  Teachers Get To Be Rude

Um, no.  I could shock you with some of the things I have heard and been told.  That's that.  Rude teachers are still assholes.  The title teacher or professor does not wash them clean.  I have worked with emotionally abusive people, and they can make you think it's YOUR fault.  It probably isn't.  Most teachers are well meaning people, but you need to realize when you have run into someone who is messing with your head because they will do it to somebody else after they're done with you.

Again, I hope this is not happening to you today, but I see enough posts on Tumblr to make me think it's a real problem.  I hope all is well, but if it isn't, I hope these words can help you move in the right direction.  I can help if you need, but if you don't talk to me (which is totally cool and understandable since I'm a total stranger) then you need to talk to somebody.

Peace.