Is Anxiety Normal In Music?

The short answer is no, it's not.  If you feel extra anxious all the time, you are dealing with a real disorder that a therapist can diagnose.  I was anxious nearly all the time for over 30 years before I realized "Hey, that might be a problem."  Students today are anxious for a number of reasons, but I was recently reminded of ways in which anxiety is used against people (especially kids.)  If you feel like you need someone to talk to, please go to see a licensed therapist or counselor.

#1:  Great People Don't Get Nervous

Well, that's not true.  Pavarotti used to wretch before every performance because he was so nervous, yet he's considered the greatest tenor to ever live.  Hmmmmmmmm.  I also once heard someone say that "You know you're supposed to be doing something when you don't get nervous."  That could not be further from the truth.  People who care get nervous, people who don't care don't feel a thing.

#2:  You're Just Getting Yourself Worked Up

Well, little kids do that when they don't get what they want, but that ends REALLY quick.  They can turn it on and off because they are trying to get what they want.  When you are "worked up" and you don't know know why or you can't turn it off, you are most assuredly not "getting yourself worked up."

#3:  People Who Use Your Anxiety Against You

I think my college band director was the absolute worst in this area.  First, you need to understand that there are band directors out there who think playing mind games with you is going to produce a great band.  If you feel like your director is messing with your head, you need to report them.  I'm not saying you need to get them fired, but someone needs to sit them down and tell them to stop.  Many times, these are well-meaning people who learned this technique from assholes....they don't see the error of their ways because they think it's normal.  If they get one talking to about it, they usually realize how messed up it is.

Anyways, people saying things to you like "if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen" is rude, disrespectful, unfounded and unprofessional/unethical.  My college band director used to say that to a flutist in the band, and now she has a doctorate in performance.  So what if she got extra nervous?  Does that suddenly make her a bad person and player?  No, but that is exactly how he made it sound, and the pall in the room when he made these comments was apparent.  Again, that shit is not right, and it has to stop.

#4:  Getting A Little Push

This does not include facing your fears.  If you have massive performance anxiety, there are healthy ways to tackle it.  If you could never imagine playing a recital by yourself, maybe you could do a chamber recital with a couple friends so you're not alone.  You may also want to ask your counselor or therapist what they think would help.  Getting a tiny nudge is not abusive...getting shoved on stage by someone is abusive.  There's a big difference.

#5:  Your Anxiety Is Not A Joke

I will never forget the time I heard a band director tell a girl in the band that she was a good player...until she got a boyfriend.  That was in front of the WHOLE band.  I recall distinctly that it was a new relationship, and she was trying to juggle that, hoping it would work out (because he really was a nice guy) and all her school/band stuff.  Or, my college band director telling me that "If you're so anxious, why do you want to stand on a podium and talk to people?"  First, I never said I was anxious, but we had a conversation where I admitted personal things to him that he twisted around to make me feel bad.  That's not right.

Anyone who is using your anxiety as a joke or treats anxiety like a joke in general is someone to be avoided.  Again, if it is someone in authority over you, you need to report them.  In 2015, you are more than likely going to get some kind of relief when you do so.

#6:  Can You Be A Good Musician?

I watched people quit their music major left and right when I was in college.  They changed majors for a variety of reasons, but I know for sure that many of them just felt this overwhelming anxiety that they did not feel when they changed their major.  One girl told me (on changing her major to psychology) that it was just simpler.  Since we know that psychology is not simple....you can do the math.

You can be a great musician if you're anxious, you can be the best musician in the world if you're anxious, and you are not broken if you're anxious.  Anxiety sucks, and intense anxiety sucks even more, but it is not a catch-all to tell you that you can't do something.  The simple fact is that you can do anything you want when you surround yourself with people who understand you.

(This is the point at which someone will say "Well tough, that's the real world and people don't have to cater to you."  I never said anyone should cater to you, but being a little understanding is just common decency.  If you are confronted with people who suck, you can always turn to your friends at the end of the day for comfort.  If you feel alone, the world of Tumblr is pretty big, and there are some nice people on it.  If you think you'll never find people who understand you, I promise that you will.  It may take some looking, but they're out there somewhere.)

Who you surround yourself with and who you encounter, those are two totally different people groups.  The people you surround yourself with are the two, three, four people who know ALL your shit.  I mean all of it, and they're still around.  Those are lifelong friends.  Everyone else is someone you encounter.  You can deal with the people you encounter when you have people surrounding you.  Just don't forget the difference, and don't think you have to do it alone, because you don't.  You're not broken, anxiety is real and it is crippling for some.  We should all have a little compassion where it's concerned.