Anxiety is not something I ever thought I had...I just thought I was a freak. I could be standing in the middle of a room and feel a tightness in my chest over nothing. I don't like small talking people, and I don't like trying to make a thousand friends. I have anxiety about different things every day, and I have been like that since I was...5. I remember that clearly...but I never had anxiety when I was playing...not after I switched to bass.
You might think that that's really nice and all, but how does that apply to you...well, it applies because there is something to be said for the thing that you are supposed to be doing. You know what I mean? I mean, you might get a little nervous before a performance, but that's a LONG way from feeling anxiety all the time.
Finding the thing that you love to do that frees you from anxiety for even a moment is a VERY easy way to find other things that revolve around the thing that does not make your feel anxious. You would be shocked to find all the things that you can do that revolve around the thing that you love to do.
WRITE ABOUT IT
Look, I'm doing that right now! You can write about literally anything that revolves around it, and you will be able to keep writing as many times as the mood strikes you. Hell, you could write a book.
DO IT
You do not have to be greatest of all time at what you do. You just don't have to be. You can be someone who LOVES it, and that is FAR more valuable than being the best ever. Yeah, you can have high hopes and make lofty goals, but you just need to do it. This is going to help you to have fun when you are trying to get to where you want to go. Sure, you might have to wait a while, but waiting is better than NOT doing the thing you need to be doing and feeling like shit about it because the thing that you are doing is making you anxious as hell.
TALK ABOUT IT
Talking about the thing is going to make it feel more lively for you...technically this blogging counts as talking, or you can simply find a social media platform where you can talk to other people who do the thing. You can get more out of this than you could possibly imagine, and you can do it for a long time without ever stopping. If it makes you chatty, you are going to feel less stressed about like in general. You get rid of the anxiety just long enough to enjoy the thing.
HELP SOMEONE ELSE DO IT
Helping people is the best thing you can do for yourself. It really does feel better to help others than it does to help yourself, and you can learn about the thing even more than you thought. You will make friends, and you will have a way of working doing the thing. That's teaching :)
The time is now...I certainly don't know how to cure anxiety, but I know how I get around it as much as possible :) I hope this helps...
Showing posts with label soapboxdismounted. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soapboxdismounted. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Practicing Without Pain
Practicing is difficult if you think that you need learn everything in one night. Practicing is difficult if you think it doesn't do anything. Practicing is difficult if you think that you're going to die the next day when you get to school/your lesson/rehearsal or whatever. Practicing is difficult if you hate your progress, and practice is difficult if you think that 1% progress is not enough.
You have to do a few things before you start practicing:
1. Forgive yourself for not getting it all done at once.
2. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
4. Stop playing something that makes you want to scream.
5. Be willing to take less time to do more.
This may sound like therapy, but you need to remember that you are not a bad person or a bad player because you mess up when you practice. Everybody screws up a lot. There are some people who learn more the more they screw up. Teachers often as you to practice, but they never tell you what a practice session looks like. They never tell you that professional musicians have "preferred pieces" that they play more often than anything else. So, if you are listening to a recording to someone shredding a piece you are playing, you re listening to someone who has played that piece literally a thousand times. That's probably their thing...they are great players all of them...but you might be listening to someone's wheelhouse. What if you are not in your wheelhouse? You are going to think you're fucked. You have to step back and think..."Oh, that's not my bag." You'll work hard, but you can wash away the comparisons.
YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO MAKE MISTAKES AND BAD NOISES
Mistakes are often more informative than right notes. Right notes just sound good, but mistakes tell you all the things you don't know. You can learn about your own playing by listening to what you mess up. You may discover small problems with your playing that are not obvious until you actually listen to your mistakes. You have to love your mistakes because they point to things that will change your perspective.
NO ONE PLAYS PERFECTLY ALL THE TIME
If you want to spend all your time hating your playing, feel free to think other people are perfect. Here's a secret...they aren't. Mess up a lot so you can get it out of your system.
STOP RUNNING THROUGH THINGS
Yeah, you need to run through things...sometimes. You need to practice things daily. Runthroughs are going to drain you, and you are going to notice that you need multiple takes to get it right. You may counter by saying that you have to be able to drop bombs cold in an orchestral audition, but I'm not stupid...I know the majority of the audience here is not taking orchestral auditions. You have a concert coming up, and you will surrounded by other people who are playing. Momentum is a real thing, and the band pulls you along. It just does.
FIND YOUR THING
Everybody needs a thing. Your tone, tonguing, range, something. You need a thing that makes you say...yeah, I'm REALLY good at that. You can be proud of that everytime you do it, and you will be able to fall back on that when you don't feel so good about a practice session.
TAKE LESS TIME
You can practice for hours and hours, but that does not mean the practice is working. You will hit the point of diminishing returns somewhere around three hours. Some people hit that point WAY sooner. You could get more done in ten minutes than some people can do in two hours if you are focused. That's just reality. Stop judging your practice by duration and start judging it by efficiency.
1% IS STILL PROGRESS
Did you make 1% progress today? Then you did something. Awesome! You should not be discouraged because you fixed a tiny thing today or did a tiny thing today. You need to be proud of what you did so you will want to practice again tomorrow. People who hate practicing are dreading it the next day...that's a fact. People who are ready to practice the next day at happy with at least one thing they did the day before.
If you hate your practice sessions it is like running a marathon, cutting off one leg and then running the marathon the next day. I imagine you won't be too excited about it the next day.
PRACTICING IS NOT HARD
It's only hard if you make it hard on yourself. There is so much shame and BS going around the music world that you can hate your playing without even realizing how much you hate it. Stop hating it and start loving it...practicing might get a little easier.
You have to do a few things before you start practicing:
1. Forgive yourself for not getting it all done at once.
2. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
4. Stop playing something that makes you want to scream.
5. Be willing to take less time to do more.
This may sound like therapy, but you need to remember that you are not a bad person or a bad player because you mess up when you practice. Everybody screws up a lot. There are some people who learn more the more they screw up. Teachers often as you to practice, but they never tell you what a practice session looks like. They never tell you that professional musicians have "preferred pieces" that they play more often than anything else. So, if you are listening to a recording to someone shredding a piece you are playing, you re listening to someone who has played that piece literally a thousand times. That's probably their thing...they are great players all of them...but you might be listening to someone's wheelhouse. What if you are not in your wheelhouse? You are going to think you're fucked. You have to step back and think..."Oh, that's not my bag." You'll work hard, but you can wash away the comparisons.
YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO MAKE MISTAKES AND BAD NOISES
Mistakes are often more informative than right notes. Right notes just sound good, but mistakes tell you all the things you don't know. You can learn about your own playing by listening to what you mess up. You may discover small problems with your playing that are not obvious until you actually listen to your mistakes. You have to love your mistakes because they point to things that will change your perspective.
NO ONE PLAYS PERFECTLY ALL THE TIME
If you want to spend all your time hating your playing, feel free to think other people are perfect. Here's a secret...they aren't. Mess up a lot so you can get it out of your system.
STOP RUNNING THROUGH THINGS
Yeah, you need to run through things...sometimes. You need to practice things daily. Runthroughs are going to drain you, and you are going to notice that you need multiple takes to get it right. You may counter by saying that you have to be able to drop bombs cold in an orchestral audition, but I'm not stupid...I know the majority of the audience here is not taking orchestral auditions. You have a concert coming up, and you will surrounded by other people who are playing. Momentum is a real thing, and the band pulls you along. It just does.
FIND YOUR THING
Everybody needs a thing. Your tone, tonguing, range, something. You need a thing that makes you say...yeah, I'm REALLY good at that. You can be proud of that everytime you do it, and you will be able to fall back on that when you don't feel so good about a practice session.
TAKE LESS TIME
You can practice for hours and hours, but that does not mean the practice is working. You will hit the point of diminishing returns somewhere around three hours. Some people hit that point WAY sooner. You could get more done in ten minutes than some people can do in two hours if you are focused. That's just reality. Stop judging your practice by duration and start judging it by efficiency.
1% IS STILL PROGRESS
Did you make 1% progress today? Then you did something. Awesome! You should not be discouraged because you fixed a tiny thing today or did a tiny thing today. You need to be proud of what you did so you will want to practice again tomorrow. People who hate practicing are dreading it the next day...that's a fact. People who are ready to practice the next day at happy with at least one thing they did the day before.
If you hate your practice sessions it is like running a marathon, cutting off one leg and then running the marathon the next day. I imagine you won't be too excited about it the next day.
PRACTICING IS NOT HARD
It's only hard if you make it hard on yourself. There is so much shame and BS going around the music world that you can hate your playing without even realizing how much you hate it. Stop hating it and start loving it...practicing might get a little easier.
Thursday, March 26, 2015
New Video---Right Down The Middle Of The Horn
I talk for 15 minutes in this video, but it's all about playing right down the middle of the horn. For me, this is the sweet spot on the instrument. Give it a shot, and hear me out...I hope it helps!
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Does Your Setup Really Make A Difference? (No, I mean REALLLLLLLY)
Ok, I really mean it. Does your setup really make that much of a difference? I mean, does your horn to the mouthpiece, ligature and reed actually do something for you?
Yes and no.
Your Horn
Your horn helps you up to a point. Wooden horns sound a little nicer because they are made of wood and have thicker walls. A horn with a larger bore gives you more room to move the sound around. An extended horn allows you to play notes you cannot play on a standard horn. Certain horns have notes that are right in a sweet spot, but most instruments are VERY similar. A new horn or a nicer horn is not going to make you suddenly better. It's great to have a nice horn (I have a very nice horn,) but that horn does not make me a good player. You cannot learn to play with your eyes on another prize. Learn to play what you have, plan to get something better in the future maybe (but never blame the horn as long as it is adjusted properly.) Yes, broken horns suck, but you can even learn to play past certain leaks if you're really dedicated. However, everyone can go to the shop (and most of the time your school band will pay for it.)
Your Mouthpiece
Mouthpieces make a big difference, and they are much cheaper than instruments. You can play any mouthpiece you want, but it has to be the right one for you. You NEVER EVER play a mouthpiece simply because someone told you to. I don't care if Jesus whittled it by hand out of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. I just don't care. The price of the mouthpiece of whatever other marketing they use is NOT helpful to you unless the mouthpiece is actually nice for you to play. This is why you order mouthpieces on approval and try them.
Your Ligature
Ligatures provide response, but they do not make you a better player. They do not allow you to do anything, but they do give you a certain level of response. It is like the ammunition you put in a gun. You can get the regular bullets, or you can get armor piercing rounds or you can go all military and get fragmentation rounds that explode when they hit a target. Your ligature does the same thing, you're in a first person shooter with your ligature. You can use something soft like a Rovner for softer response, or you can use a metal ligature for more crisp response. The metals and materials make a difference, and you could spend a LONG TIME thinking about which one to use. These ligatures do not make you better, but they allow you to do the things you already know how to do.
Your Reeds
Your reeds make a HUGE difference. Go watch my videos and you can tell which reeds were good and which were not. It's pretty obvious. They die, and you have to rotate them. They can make a HUGE difference if they are too hard, and they will squeak at you all the time if they are too soft. You can spend a lifetime finding the right reeds, but they are the biggest predictor of your success because they directly interface with your air to make sound.
Notice how I never said any of these things makes you better. I have actually seen marketing for ligatures and mouthpieces with "testimonials" of people saying that that product "allowed" them to do....whatever. Guess what, if you need a specific product to do something that is relatively standard, you're not practiced enough at it yet. You should learn how to do the thing really well, they you can do the thing on ANY equipment, but you can look for the equipment that makes it the EASIEST to do the thing?
If that made any sense...
Yes and no.
Your Horn
Your horn helps you up to a point. Wooden horns sound a little nicer because they are made of wood and have thicker walls. A horn with a larger bore gives you more room to move the sound around. An extended horn allows you to play notes you cannot play on a standard horn. Certain horns have notes that are right in a sweet spot, but most instruments are VERY similar. A new horn or a nicer horn is not going to make you suddenly better. It's great to have a nice horn (I have a very nice horn,) but that horn does not make me a good player. You cannot learn to play with your eyes on another prize. Learn to play what you have, plan to get something better in the future maybe (but never blame the horn as long as it is adjusted properly.) Yes, broken horns suck, but you can even learn to play past certain leaks if you're really dedicated. However, everyone can go to the shop (and most of the time your school band will pay for it.)
Your Mouthpiece
Mouthpieces make a big difference, and they are much cheaper than instruments. You can play any mouthpiece you want, but it has to be the right one for you. You NEVER EVER play a mouthpiece simply because someone told you to. I don't care if Jesus whittled it by hand out of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. I just don't care. The price of the mouthpiece of whatever other marketing they use is NOT helpful to you unless the mouthpiece is actually nice for you to play. This is why you order mouthpieces on approval and try them.
Your Ligature
Ligatures provide response, but they do not make you a better player. They do not allow you to do anything, but they do give you a certain level of response. It is like the ammunition you put in a gun. You can get the regular bullets, or you can get armor piercing rounds or you can go all military and get fragmentation rounds that explode when they hit a target. Your ligature does the same thing, you're in a first person shooter with your ligature. You can use something soft like a Rovner for softer response, or you can use a metal ligature for more crisp response. The metals and materials make a difference, and you could spend a LONG TIME thinking about which one to use. These ligatures do not make you better, but they allow you to do the things you already know how to do.
Your Reeds
Your reeds make a HUGE difference. Go watch my videos and you can tell which reeds were good and which were not. It's pretty obvious. They die, and you have to rotate them. They can make a HUGE difference if they are too hard, and they will squeak at you all the time if they are too soft. You can spend a lifetime finding the right reeds, but they are the biggest predictor of your success because they directly interface with your air to make sound.
Notice how I never said any of these things makes you better. I have actually seen marketing for ligatures and mouthpieces with "testimonials" of people saying that that product "allowed" them to do....whatever. Guess what, if you need a specific product to do something that is relatively standard, you're not practiced enough at it yet. You should learn how to do the thing really well, they you can do the thing on ANY equipment, but you can look for the equipment that makes it the EASIEST to do the thing?
If that made any sense...
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Is Anxiety Normal In Music?
The short answer is no, it's not. If you feel extra anxious all the time, you are dealing with a real disorder that a therapist can diagnose. I was anxious nearly all the time for over 30 years before I realized "Hey, that might be a problem." Students today are anxious for a number of reasons, but I was recently reminded of ways in which anxiety is used against people (especially kids.) If you feel like you need someone to talk to, please go to see a licensed therapist or counselor.
#1: Great People Don't Get Nervous
Well, that's not true. Pavarotti used to wretch before every performance because he was so nervous, yet he's considered the greatest tenor to ever live. Hmmmmmmmm. I also once heard someone say that "You know you're supposed to be doing something when you don't get nervous." That could not be further from the truth. People who care get nervous, people who don't care don't feel a thing.
#2: You're Just Getting Yourself Worked Up
Well, little kids do that when they don't get what they want, but that ends REALLY quick. They can turn it on and off because they are trying to get what they want. When you are "worked up" and you don't know know why or you can't turn it off, you are most assuredly not "getting yourself worked up."
#3: People Who Use Your Anxiety Against You
I think my college band director was the absolute worst in this area. First, you need to understand that there are band directors out there who think playing mind games with you is going to produce a great band. If you feel like your director is messing with your head, you need to report them. I'm not saying you need to get them fired, but someone needs to sit them down and tell them to stop. Many times, these are well-meaning people who learned this technique from assholes....they don't see the error of their ways because they think it's normal. If they get one talking to about it, they usually realize how messed up it is.
Anyways, people saying things to you like "if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen" is rude, disrespectful, unfounded and unprofessional/unethical. My college band director used to say that to a flutist in the band, and now she has a doctorate in performance. So what if she got extra nervous? Does that suddenly make her a bad person and player? No, but that is exactly how he made it sound, and the pall in the room when he made these comments was apparent. Again, that shit is not right, and it has to stop.
#4: Getting A Little Push
This does not include facing your fears. If you have massive performance anxiety, there are healthy ways to tackle it. If you could never imagine playing a recital by yourself, maybe you could do a chamber recital with a couple friends so you're not alone. You may also want to ask your counselor or therapist what they think would help. Getting a tiny nudge is not abusive...getting shoved on stage by someone is abusive. There's a big difference.
#5: Your Anxiety Is Not A Joke
I will never forget the time I heard a band director tell a girl in the band that she was a good player...until she got a boyfriend. That was in front of the WHOLE band. I recall distinctly that it was a new relationship, and she was trying to juggle that, hoping it would work out (because he really was a nice guy) and all her school/band stuff. Or, my college band director telling me that "If you're so anxious, why do you want to stand on a podium and talk to people?" First, I never said I was anxious, but we had a conversation where I admitted personal things to him that he twisted around to make me feel bad. That's not right.
Anyone who is using your anxiety as a joke or treats anxiety like a joke in general is someone to be avoided. Again, if it is someone in authority over you, you need to report them. In 2015, you are more than likely going to get some kind of relief when you do so.
#6: Can You Be A Good Musician?
I watched people quit their music major left and right when I was in college. They changed majors for a variety of reasons, but I know for sure that many of them just felt this overwhelming anxiety that they did not feel when they changed their major. One girl told me (on changing her major to psychology) that it was just simpler. Since we know that psychology is not simple....you can do the math.
You can be a great musician if you're anxious, you can be the best musician in the world if you're anxious, and you are not broken if you're anxious. Anxiety sucks, and intense anxiety sucks even more, but it is not a catch-all to tell you that you can't do something. The simple fact is that you can do anything you want when you surround yourself with people who understand you.
(This is the point at which someone will say "Well tough, that's the real world and people don't have to cater to you." I never said anyone should cater to you, but being a little understanding is just common decency. If you are confronted with people who suck, you can always turn to your friends at the end of the day for comfort. If you feel alone, the world of Tumblr is pretty big, and there are some nice people on it. If you think you'll never find people who understand you, I promise that you will. It may take some looking, but they're out there somewhere.)
Who you surround yourself with and who you encounter, those are two totally different people groups. The people you surround yourself with are the two, three, four people who know ALL your shit. I mean all of it, and they're still around. Those are lifelong friends. Everyone else is someone you encounter. You can deal with the people you encounter when you have people surrounding you. Just don't forget the difference, and don't think you have to do it alone, because you don't. You're not broken, anxiety is real and it is crippling for some. We should all have a little compassion where it's concerned.
#1: Great People Don't Get Nervous
Well, that's not true. Pavarotti used to wretch before every performance because he was so nervous, yet he's considered the greatest tenor to ever live. Hmmmmmmmm. I also once heard someone say that "You know you're supposed to be doing something when you don't get nervous." That could not be further from the truth. People who care get nervous, people who don't care don't feel a thing.
#2: You're Just Getting Yourself Worked Up
Well, little kids do that when they don't get what they want, but that ends REALLY quick. They can turn it on and off because they are trying to get what they want. When you are "worked up" and you don't know know why or you can't turn it off, you are most assuredly not "getting yourself worked up."
#3: People Who Use Your Anxiety Against You
I think my college band director was the absolute worst in this area. First, you need to understand that there are band directors out there who think playing mind games with you is going to produce a great band. If you feel like your director is messing with your head, you need to report them. I'm not saying you need to get them fired, but someone needs to sit them down and tell them to stop. Many times, these are well-meaning people who learned this technique from assholes....they don't see the error of their ways because they think it's normal. If they get one talking to about it, they usually realize how messed up it is.
Anyways, people saying things to you like "if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen" is rude, disrespectful, unfounded and unprofessional/unethical. My college band director used to say that to a flutist in the band, and now she has a doctorate in performance. So what if she got extra nervous? Does that suddenly make her a bad person and player? No, but that is exactly how he made it sound, and the pall in the room when he made these comments was apparent. Again, that shit is not right, and it has to stop.
#4: Getting A Little Push
This does not include facing your fears. If you have massive performance anxiety, there are healthy ways to tackle it. If you could never imagine playing a recital by yourself, maybe you could do a chamber recital with a couple friends so you're not alone. You may also want to ask your counselor or therapist what they think would help. Getting a tiny nudge is not abusive...getting shoved on stage by someone is abusive. There's a big difference.
#5: Your Anxiety Is Not A Joke
I will never forget the time I heard a band director tell a girl in the band that she was a good player...until she got a boyfriend. That was in front of the WHOLE band. I recall distinctly that it was a new relationship, and she was trying to juggle that, hoping it would work out (because he really was a nice guy) and all her school/band stuff. Or, my college band director telling me that "If you're so anxious, why do you want to stand on a podium and talk to people?" First, I never said I was anxious, but we had a conversation where I admitted personal things to him that he twisted around to make me feel bad. That's not right.
Anyone who is using your anxiety as a joke or treats anxiety like a joke in general is someone to be avoided. Again, if it is someone in authority over you, you need to report them. In 2015, you are more than likely going to get some kind of relief when you do so.
#6: Can You Be A Good Musician?
I watched people quit their music major left and right when I was in college. They changed majors for a variety of reasons, but I know for sure that many of them just felt this overwhelming anxiety that they did not feel when they changed their major. One girl told me (on changing her major to psychology) that it was just simpler. Since we know that psychology is not simple....you can do the math.
You can be a great musician if you're anxious, you can be the best musician in the world if you're anxious, and you are not broken if you're anxious. Anxiety sucks, and intense anxiety sucks even more, but it is not a catch-all to tell you that you can't do something. The simple fact is that you can do anything you want when you surround yourself with people who understand you.
(This is the point at which someone will say "Well tough, that's the real world and people don't have to cater to you." I never said anyone should cater to you, but being a little understanding is just common decency. If you are confronted with people who suck, you can always turn to your friends at the end of the day for comfort. If you feel alone, the world of Tumblr is pretty big, and there are some nice people on it. If you think you'll never find people who understand you, I promise that you will. It may take some looking, but they're out there somewhere.)
Who you surround yourself with and who you encounter, those are two totally different people groups. The people you surround yourself with are the two, three, four people who know ALL your shit. I mean all of it, and they're still around. Those are lifelong friends. Everyone else is someone you encounter. You can deal with the people you encounter when you have people surrounding you. Just don't forget the difference, and don't think you have to do it alone, because you don't. You're not broken, anxiety is real and it is crippling for some. We should all have a little compassion where it's concerned.
Surviving Band: Part Two (Your Mental State)
I want to refer to my previous disclaimer...I hope your band is filled with cool people and your band director is the nicest person in the world, but I have met too many jackasses to believe that it's all sunshine and roses :) If the negative portions of this do not apply to you, that is a good thing. I just want to help people who are struggling with music.
This is an essay for ALL music students, music majors, band students in high school or college. This is the most important essay, in my opinion, because it deals with your mental state. Music is not supposed to make you crazy, and it is not supposed to make you doubt yourself. I just want to cover some myths that are wrong.
#1: Real Music Teachers "Guide" You To Learning
This is utter nonsense. A real music teacher is going to actually teach you. Sure, there are things that you have to go off and do on your own, and you would have likely done that anyway. But, you cannot do everything on your own. Your teacher has to give you real information. Someone told me recently that real music school is frustrating and that's ok. Uh, no it's not. You are paying good money for an education. If your teacher or professor is too lazy to give you clear answers to your honest questions, they need to get another job.
#2: It's All For The Band
Yes, there is a lovely knitting together that goes on in your band. Your band director likely preaches about doing things for the good of the band, and that is a noble ideal. I love it. You simply need to make sure that what you do for the band does not crush your own spirit. If doing things for the good of the group is killing you in the inside, it's time to stop. There comes a time when you have to take care of yourself. There has to a balance, and bending over backwards for the band (or your band director) can get very unhealthy.
#3: What About Your Resume?
Never ever ever ever ever ever ever skip out on things that would go on YOUR resume for something that will go on your band director's resume. Your band director gets to take credit for everything that the band does, but you need to make sure you are doing things that you can take credit for, as well. I did one thing in high school that I could actually put on a CV. One. And believe me, I did A LOT of playing. I only did one thing in college that I can put on a resume. One. So, I won 42 auditions in seven years, but only one of them actually helps me today. There are MANY things I skipped out on for the band (or some such thing) when I should have doing things for myself. Yes, do things for the band, but make sure you are doing things for you, too. This is where people get burnt out.
#4: Music Is Not Depressing
Sure, some music sounds depressing, but music itself should not be depressing. Music school should not be depressing. You should not be crying in a practice room, and you should not dread rehearsal. This is not an accusation, let me be clear. I am merely saying that something is out of balance if you feel dread and depression around your music career. It's ok to be a little discouraged now and then. That happens. But you should not feel this way ALL the time, and it is not a #musicmajorproblem. That's bullshit, and it's unhealthy. If it's a professor or teacher that makes you feel this way, you need to run in the other direction as fast as you possibly can.
#5: Help People
Music is not a kill or be killed proposition, but some teachers pit students against one another. You can easily find yourself hoping that other people fail, and that is not cool when you step back and think about it. Band or orchestra is not dog eat dog. Yes, someone will win an audition, but it is not a good thing that someone played badly, or didn't like the way they played or placed in a low chair that they are unhappy with.
Music is not mean in any way, and you should NEVER get on people about how they play. If you have perfect pitch, for example, you cannot be a jackass about it. Your observations have to be helpful. Trust me, I've seen it used badly. If you are first chair, help the last chair person in your section, they will be forever grateful. If someone is scared before an audition, comfort them.
#6: If You Don't Like It Anymore, You Are Not A Bad Person
If you wake up one day and you just cannot stomach band or chorus or whatever, it's ok to walk away. There may be something else that you want to do instead. You should not feel the pressure to stay if you are TRULY not enjoying it. One bad day is one thing, but months of dread and sadness should be a sign that might need to reevaluate. Never judge someone who needs to walk away from an activity, and support them after they leave. I have heard band directors characterize this move as selfish, rude and disrespectful. It is none of those things. You are doing what is best for you when you know you have run out of options.
#7: Teachers Get To Be Rude
Um, no. I could shock you with some of the things I have heard and been told. That's that. Rude teachers are still assholes. The title teacher or professor does not wash them clean. I have worked with emotionally abusive people, and they can make you think it's YOUR fault. It probably isn't. Most teachers are well meaning people, but you need to realize when you have run into someone who is messing with your head because they will do it to somebody else after they're done with you.
Again, I hope this is not happening to you today, but I see enough posts on Tumblr to make me think it's a real problem. I hope all is well, but if it isn't, I hope these words can help you move in the right direction. I can help if you need, but if you don't talk to me (which is totally cool and understandable since I'm a total stranger) then you need to talk to somebody.
Peace.
This is an essay for ALL music students, music majors, band students in high school or college. This is the most important essay, in my opinion, because it deals with your mental state. Music is not supposed to make you crazy, and it is not supposed to make you doubt yourself. I just want to cover some myths that are wrong.
#1: Real Music Teachers "Guide" You To Learning
This is utter nonsense. A real music teacher is going to actually teach you. Sure, there are things that you have to go off and do on your own, and you would have likely done that anyway. But, you cannot do everything on your own. Your teacher has to give you real information. Someone told me recently that real music school is frustrating and that's ok. Uh, no it's not. You are paying good money for an education. If your teacher or professor is too lazy to give you clear answers to your honest questions, they need to get another job.
#2: It's All For The Band
Yes, there is a lovely knitting together that goes on in your band. Your band director likely preaches about doing things for the good of the band, and that is a noble ideal. I love it. You simply need to make sure that what you do for the band does not crush your own spirit. If doing things for the good of the group is killing you in the inside, it's time to stop. There comes a time when you have to take care of yourself. There has to a balance, and bending over backwards for the band (or your band director) can get very unhealthy.
#3: What About Your Resume?
Never ever ever ever ever ever ever skip out on things that would go on YOUR resume for something that will go on your band director's resume. Your band director gets to take credit for everything that the band does, but you need to make sure you are doing things that you can take credit for, as well. I did one thing in high school that I could actually put on a CV. One. And believe me, I did A LOT of playing. I only did one thing in college that I can put on a resume. One. So, I won 42 auditions in seven years, but only one of them actually helps me today. There are MANY things I skipped out on for the band (or some such thing) when I should have doing things for myself. Yes, do things for the band, but make sure you are doing things for you, too. This is where people get burnt out.
#4: Music Is Not Depressing
Sure, some music sounds depressing, but music itself should not be depressing. Music school should not be depressing. You should not be crying in a practice room, and you should not dread rehearsal. This is not an accusation, let me be clear. I am merely saying that something is out of balance if you feel dread and depression around your music career. It's ok to be a little discouraged now and then. That happens. But you should not feel this way ALL the time, and it is not a #musicmajorproblem. That's bullshit, and it's unhealthy. If it's a professor or teacher that makes you feel this way, you need to run in the other direction as fast as you possibly can.
#5: Help People
Music is not a kill or be killed proposition, but some teachers pit students against one another. You can easily find yourself hoping that other people fail, and that is not cool when you step back and think about it. Band or orchestra is not dog eat dog. Yes, someone will win an audition, but it is not a good thing that someone played badly, or didn't like the way they played or placed in a low chair that they are unhappy with.
Music is not mean in any way, and you should NEVER get on people about how they play. If you have perfect pitch, for example, you cannot be a jackass about it. Your observations have to be helpful. Trust me, I've seen it used badly. If you are first chair, help the last chair person in your section, they will be forever grateful. If someone is scared before an audition, comfort them.
#6: If You Don't Like It Anymore, You Are Not A Bad Person
If you wake up one day and you just cannot stomach band or chorus or whatever, it's ok to walk away. There may be something else that you want to do instead. You should not feel the pressure to stay if you are TRULY not enjoying it. One bad day is one thing, but months of dread and sadness should be a sign that might need to reevaluate. Never judge someone who needs to walk away from an activity, and support them after they leave. I have heard band directors characterize this move as selfish, rude and disrespectful. It is none of those things. You are doing what is best for you when you know you have run out of options.
#7: Teachers Get To Be Rude
Um, no. I could shock you with some of the things I have heard and been told. That's that. Rude teachers are still assholes. The title teacher or professor does not wash them clean. I have worked with emotionally abusive people, and they can make you think it's YOUR fault. It probably isn't. Most teachers are well meaning people, but you need to realize when you have run into someone who is messing with your head because they will do it to somebody else after they're done with you.
Again, I hope this is not happening to you today, but I see enough posts on Tumblr to make me think it's a real problem. I hope all is well, but if it isn't, I hope these words can help you move in the right direction. I can help if you need, but if you don't talk to me (which is totally cool and understandable since I'm a total stranger) then you need to talk to somebody.
Peace.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Surviving Band (A Sharable Dissertation)
I am at the point in my life where I feel like I have seen about as much as I can see before issuing these edicts. Nothing that you read here is an accusation. I may or may not be talking about your band, the person sitting next to you, your instructors or your director. I want you to know that I hope to God that you have wonderful and good-hearted people working with you. I really do. If some of the negative things you read do not apply, that is AWESOME!!! However, I know that there a lot of shit people out there, and I have learned how to deal with them because they had stood in my path time after time. This is just a set of observations based on my personal life experience. I am speaking mostly from the principal bass clarinetist's chair, but these things could apply to anyone.
Rule #1
Your Band Depends On Your More Than You Think
People who sit in the bass clarinetist's chair often want to play loud so that they can be heard. I can honestly say I only played loud for a about a year from the middle of my sophomore year to the middle of my junior year. Ever since, I have been accused of playing loud, being able to play loud and being intentionally loud. However, I do not play loud. I play with a resonant tone that decks even professional brass sections. So, when you're in band, you have to find a way to remind yourself that your band depends on you.
The bass clarinet is such a weird instrument because its parts will give you every impression that you could play and no one would notice. It happens a lot. I sit down to parts all the time that could be inconsequential. They could be totally meaningless, but I have to do something with them that makes me so important to the band that it is obvious when I am not there.
You might be thinking at this point that this is an arrogant way to play. However, I am not doing this because I want to look good. If I wanted to look good, I would take the trumpet player route and brag about my playing ;)
Bass clarinetists need to find a way to make every single thing they play musical. That whole note that you are holding for four thousand years has time inherent in it whether you like it or not. Changing articulations to make your parts more musical is a must, and you need to decide if you are going to play out past the bassoons and bari sax because, let's face it, the bass clarinet sounds better than both of those instruments. Sorry bari and bassoon players, but baris, your instrument honks unless you are freaking virtuoso (one of which I have played with) but it sounds weird when you play it too loud. And bassoons, I'm sorry, but your instrument does not cut through the band. It does not have the presence or gravitas that the bass clarinet has. We can play with vibrato and not lose the essence of the power of our sound.
So, bass clarinetists, what are you doing if you are spending all your time thinking about these things? Helping the people around you. The baris do not have to overplay their instruments, and the bassoons do not have to kill themselves. You are at the center of the low woodwind sound...dealing with the low brass is another story for another day.
You may think that your band director is going to tell you to shut up. Well, that's possible, but you need to poke them with a stick until you find out exactly how much you can do. The more you poke, the more leverage you get, trust me, it works. You are not being rude, you are just experimenting until you find the limits of the ensemble and your conductor's ears.
You also need to experiment with the shaping of sounds, lines and phrases. The bass line of anything has a shape if you start to insert it into the music. You primarily figure these things out by listening, but you come up with standard things you can do over time that make the parts sound more interesting. There is a big difference between a line of whole notes that is completely monotone (think Ben Stein) and a line of whole notes that is shaped properly (think soft ocean waves.) There is also a major difference between moving to certain harmonic lines a certain way. Moving a half step in a harmonic part is BIG DEAL...that movement to the note that is a half step away is serious business. Landing on roots notes of chords is intense, and landing on the bass note in an inverted chord has a sound that you cannot describe until you figure out you're doing it...those tones are almost flattened in nature...not in pitch...in shape.
Your tone itself has to have the characteristics the bastard love child of a set of bagpipes and a cello. There is breadth in that sound that is extremely resonate. Imagine the constant pressure that come from the squeezing of the bag along with the pressure that a cellist must apply to the bag in order to make any sound at all. When you put these two things together with a touch of vibrato, you get something pretty special. Before you ask, yes, I do play like that.
You have to play single tones that make people turn to you and go "damn!" I remember doing Frank Ticheli's rest a couple years ago, and the final note on bass is a written A (G concert, right?) And that is the undisputed best note on the bass clarinet. Don't even bother arguing that with me, it just is. And I sounded like a boss every single time we played, and every single time the bassoonist sitting next to me would say "whew" or "whoa" and at the concert he said "damn" when we got done. I played a whole note, ya'll. A whole note. You cannot tell me that your part is boring when I can get that reaction out of an adult musician who knows what they are doing by playing a whole note.
Surviving in band is all about doing something other people won't do. It starts with making real life musical decisions. You cannot make tiny decisions that are not of much consequence. You have to make decisions that really mean something. If you're doing that, you are on your way to really making a difference in your own band and beyond.
PS--Any band director on the planet that disagrees with this has a very loose grasp on reality. You have to make musical decisions if you are going to contribute to the band, and playing with a boring or bland tone is unacceptable. It's not unacceptable because I said so. It's unacceptable because you are capable of SO much more than that.
#soapboxdismounted
Rule #1
Your Band Depends On Your More Than You Think
People who sit in the bass clarinetist's chair often want to play loud so that they can be heard. I can honestly say I only played loud for a about a year from the middle of my sophomore year to the middle of my junior year. Ever since, I have been accused of playing loud, being able to play loud and being intentionally loud. However, I do not play loud. I play with a resonant tone that decks even professional brass sections. So, when you're in band, you have to find a way to remind yourself that your band depends on you.
The bass clarinet is such a weird instrument because its parts will give you every impression that you could play and no one would notice. It happens a lot. I sit down to parts all the time that could be inconsequential. They could be totally meaningless, but I have to do something with them that makes me so important to the band that it is obvious when I am not there.
You might be thinking at this point that this is an arrogant way to play. However, I am not doing this because I want to look good. If I wanted to look good, I would take the trumpet player route and brag about my playing ;)
Bass clarinetists need to find a way to make every single thing they play musical. That whole note that you are holding for four thousand years has time inherent in it whether you like it or not. Changing articulations to make your parts more musical is a must, and you need to decide if you are going to play out past the bassoons and bari sax because, let's face it, the bass clarinet sounds better than both of those instruments. Sorry bari and bassoon players, but baris, your instrument honks unless you are freaking virtuoso (one of which I have played with) but it sounds weird when you play it too loud. And bassoons, I'm sorry, but your instrument does not cut through the band. It does not have the presence or gravitas that the bass clarinet has. We can play with vibrato and not lose the essence of the power of our sound.
So, bass clarinetists, what are you doing if you are spending all your time thinking about these things? Helping the people around you. The baris do not have to overplay their instruments, and the bassoons do not have to kill themselves. You are at the center of the low woodwind sound...dealing with the low brass is another story for another day.
You may think that your band director is going to tell you to shut up. Well, that's possible, but you need to poke them with a stick until you find out exactly how much you can do. The more you poke, the more leverage you get, trust me, it works. You are not being rude, you are just experimenting until you find the limits of the ensemble and your conductor's ears.
You also need to experiment with the shaping of sounds, lines and phrases. The bass line of anything has a shape if you start to insert it into the music. You primarily figure these things out by listening, but you come up with standard things you can do over time that make the parts sound more interesting. There is a big difference between a line of whole notes that is completely monotone (think Ben Stein) and a line of whole notes that is shaped properly (think soft ocean waves.) There is also a major difference between moving to certain harmonic lines a certain way. Moving a half step in a harmonic part is BIG DEAL...that movement to the note that is a half step away is serious business. Landing on roots notes of chords is intense, and landing on the bass note in an inverted chord has a sound that you cannot describe until you figure out you're doing it...those tones are almost flattened in nature...not in pitch...in shape.
Your tone itself has to have the characteristics the bastard love child of a set of bagpipes and a cello. There is breadth in that sound that is extremely resonate. Imagine the constant pressure that come from the squeezing of the bag along with the pressure that a cellist must apply to the bag in order to make any sound at all. When you put these two things together with a touch of vibrato, you get something pretty special. Before you ask, yes, I do play like that.
You have to play single tones that make people turn to you and go "damn!" I remember doing Frank Ticheli's rest a couple years ago, and the final note on bass is a written A (G concert, right?) And that is the undisputed best note on the bass clarinet. Don't even bother arguing that with me, it just is. And I sounded like a boss every single time we played, and every single time the bassoonist sitting next to me would say "whew" or "whoa" and at the concert he said "damn" when we got done. I played a whole note, ya'll. A whole note. You cannot tell me that your part is boring when I can get that reaction out of an adult musician who knows what they are doing by playing a whole note.
Surviving in band is all about doing something other people won't do. It starts with making real life musical decisions. You cannot make tiny decisions that are not of much consequence. You have to make decisions that really mean something. If you're doing that, you are on your way to really making a difference in your own band and beyond.
PS--Any band director on the planet that disagrees with this has a very loose grasp on reality. You have to make musical decisions if you are going to contribute to the band, and playing with a boring or bland tone is unacceptable. It's not unacceptable because I said so. It's unacceptable because you are capable of SO much more than that.
#soapboxdismounted
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